


Tough Love

by Araloth



Category: 9-1-1 (TV)
Genre: Angst, Depressed Buck, Emotional Hurt/Comfort, Fluff and Angst, Hurt/Comfort, M/M, Spoilers for s3e1, Worried Eddie, s3e1 Kids Today
Language: English
Status: Completed
Published: 2019-09-25
Updated: 2019-09-25
Packaged: 2020-10-28 03:48:25
Rating: Teen And Up Audiences
Warnings: No Archive Warnings Apply
Chapters: 1
Words: 1,804
Publisher: archiveofourown.org
Story URL: https://archiveofourown.org/works/20772035
Author URL: https://archiveofourown.org/users/Araloth/pseuds/Araloth
Summary: In the aftermath of Buck's latest set back, Eddie is struggling a little himself, and on how to help Buck though it.This is my version of what happened after the scene with Eddie and the others talking in the firehouse, and before Eddie brought Christopher over to Buck's apartment.





	Tough Love

Bobby found Eddie down on the firehouse’s main floor polishing one of the truck’s grills. Eddie’s head was down, and he seemed to be going over the same spot again and again, though it was already shining clearly. “Everything okay Eddie?”

Eddie started and looked around for a second before finally focusing in on Bobby. "Sorry Cap- did you need something?"

“I just wanted to make sure you were alright.” Bobby frowned. “That tough love speech before didn’t really sound like you. Is something else going on with you and Buck?”

“No…” Eddie shook his head, his eyes going distant. “It’s just seeing him like that the other night… all that blood…”

Bobby nodded slowly. "How's Christopher doing with that? Harry and May were both a little shaken up… and I'm sure the kids weren't the only ones."

Eddie snorted and laughed weakly. "Chris is handling it better than me." He looked up at Bobby, his eyes watering a little. "He said he knew Buck would be okay because we'd all take care of him. Kid’s all optimism… don't know where he gets it…”

"Well, maybe we could all use a bit of that right now." Bobby smiled. "And we will," Bobby added firmly. “We’ll get Buck through this. Or do you not want Buck to come back?”

“Of course I want Buck back.” Eddie sighed. “I know how much this job means to him. I hate seeing him like this-“ Eddie shook his head. “But he’d kill himself for this job if we let him…” Eddies swallowed hard. “I just keep thinking about what would have happened if he’d been alone… or if he has another clot and someone’s not there…”

“You can’t think like that.” Bobby eased himself down onto the floor next to Eddie. “We were there. And the doctors have him on medication now. He’s as safe as he could be.”

"He's just too selfless," Eddie said slowly. "He doesn't care what could happen to him as long as he's helping other people. You can't let him come back, Cap. Not as long as he's at risk…"

"Well, I wouldn't worry about that." Bobby smiled. "The chief was pretty firm."

Eddie nodded soberly.

“I know it’s hard seeing the people we love hurt.” Bobby reached out to pat Eddie’s shoulder. “Especially when there’s nothing we can do about it.”

"I just can't lose him too," Eddie whispered. "Not after Shannon-" He broke off quietly. "But without this job, it's like he's already lost a part of himself. I don't know what he's going to do…"

“If there’s one thing I’ve learned it’s never count a Buckley out.” Bobby smiled warmly. “The doctors are doing their job. They’ll figure something out. I don’t think the 118th has seen the last of Evan Buckley just yet…”

“And if they don’t?” Eddie asked.

Bobby shrugged. “Well then you were right before and Buck will have to move on. Try and find something new that he can be as passionate about as firefighting. But regardless, what he needs most right is now us. Family and friends there to help whenever he needs it- even when he might not want it.” Bobby frowned. “I’ve been where he is… it took me down some dark paths… and I’m not saying that’s Buck, but I am certain he needs you now Eddie. More than he probably realizes. Okay?”

“Yeah…” Eddie nodded. "Thanks, Cap."

***

By the time Eddie got over to Buck's apartment, the lights were all already off. Eddie unlocked the door as quietly as he could and dropped his keys into the little bowl by the door.

“Eddie…?” Buck’s sleepy voice drifted down from his bed.

“Yeah.” Eddie walked over to the stairs without turning on a light and climbed them slowly. Moonlight was drifting in from the big windows on the far wall, and Eddie knew his way well enough to find his way up even in the dim light.

Buck was sitting up a little in bed, and rubbing one of his eyes, a small bleary smile on his face. “Where’s Chris?”

“At a friend’s house.” Eddie kicked off his shoes and sat down on the bed next to Buck. Buck was wearing the same worn t-shirt he’d had on when Eddie stopped by yesterday morning. Had he even gotten out of bed today? Eddie found Buck’s other hand under the sheets and squeezed it. “It’s a sleepover.” Eddie smiled weakly. “I’ll pick him up in the morning before my shift…”

“Oh…” Buck’s face fell at the mention of work, and Eddie could have kicked himself. He should have known better than to mention it.

“How was your day here?” Eddie asked.

“How do you think?” Buck grumbled.

Eddie sighed. “Buck we’re all just worried about you. Cap said-“

“Bobby and the Chief wanna put me behind a desk.” Buck snapped. “I told them I’m not doing that. I’m done.”

“We all wish you were coming back too. You know that right?” Eddie asked.

Buck snorted. “Just not in the way I want.”

“You think I want somebody else up on the ladder with me watching my back?” Eddie scooted a little closer to Buck on the bed. “You know I want you up there with me.” Eddie moved his hand up to Buck’s shoulder, rubbing it gently. “But Buck it’s not safe-“

"Now you sound like Allie," Buck whispered bitterly.

Eddie froze at the mention of Buck’s ex. He winced. “That’s not fair…”

“C’mon on-“ Buck sat up again, glaring at Eddie. “there’s risk involved in the job. We all accept that.”

"It's not the same thing," Eddie said, fighting to keep his voice even.

“Who cares about the blood thinners?” Buck’s voice rose up in anger. “It’s my life! And I already told Bobby it’s not like I wouldn’t have Hen and Chimney right there if anything happened-“

"You don't know that." Eddie could feel all his worry and frustration from the last couple of days threatening to boil over and tried to keep his voice as calm as possible. "If they're off helping someone else-"

“I’d still have you.” Buck insisted firmly. “I’d be fine.”

“Yeah? And what if something happened and we couldn’t get you help in time huh? You know the kind of calls we get. What do you think would have happened if you had a pulmonary embolism like that when we were in that collapsing hotel huh? Or even when you were helping that lady on the freeway?”

“I’d trust you guys to save me…” Buck smiled weakly, some of the fire of his anger fading away. “Just like everybody else.”

"You can't put that on us, Buck," Eddie said gruffly. "It's not fair to us, the victims we're there to help, or _you_.” Eddie sniffed. “How do you think Hen or Chimney would feel if something happened to you and they couldn’t save you? How do you think _I’d_ feel?”

Buck slid back down onto his bed. He was quiet for a while after that. “It just feels like my life is over…”

“It’s not.” Eddie reached up and ran his fingers tenderly through Buck’s hair. “We’ll figure something out…”

Buck sighed and closed his eyes. “Maybe.”

“C’mon on Buck-“

"You don't get it, Eddie," Buck said weakly. “I’m nothing without that job. Being a firefighter… that’s the best part of me.”

"No," Eddie said firmly. "You're still Buck- firefighter or not. You've got a good heart. You might be one of the most selfless people I've ever met-" Eddie smiled. "-and one of the most stubborn.”

Buck laughed hollowly.

"All the best parts of you Buck- all the reasons you loved being a firefighter-" Eddie paused to make sure Buck was really listening. "That's who you are. Even without the job. And if you don't believe me, I'm pretty sure I can get a whole firehouse down here to back me up on that.”

Buck didn’t say anything, so Eddie tried again, refusing to let the point drop. “I know you love helping people. There are always other ways you can do that Buck…”

“Maybe…” Buck said again quietly.

It pained Eddie to see him like this. Eddie was quiet for a minute, just moving his fingers slowly through Buck’s hair. “Did you really apologize for the blood?” Eddie asked softly.

“What?” Buck frowned, peaking through lidded eyes up at Eddie.

“Bobby told me you apologized to Athena for the blood…”

Buck closed his eyes again and leaned into Eddie's fingers a little, still carding through Buck’s hair. “Just felt bad about the mess… and making everyone worry like that…” Buck trailed off slowly. “…was Chris okay?”

"He wasn't worried," Eddie said quietly. "Said he knew we wouldn't let anything happen to you…"

“That’s good…” Buck mumbled softly. “Mmm…”

Eddie stayed like that for a bit, rubbing Buck’s head as he slowly drifted back to sleep. When he was finally out Eddie eased himself off of the bed. He slipped his t-shirt off and folded it up on Buck’s dresser. Then he pulled his jeans off and draped them over the back of a chair. Eddie climbed back into the bed next to Buck careful not to wake him. He set an alarm up on his phone so he'd be up in time to get Christopher, and then layback against the pillows. Eddie leaned over and kissed Buck’s forehead, his lips brushing over Buck’s birthmark. Eddie lost track of time, just laying there watching Buck, watching the steady rise and fall of his chest. The blood thinners the doctors had given Buck seemed to be working fine, but Eddie still couldn’t get the image of Buck coughing up blood out of his head. Eddie sighed. He hated to see Buck feeling sorry for himself like this. Buck seemed to be the only person who couldn’t see how special he was even without his job.

Eddie smiled a little when he thought back to Buck’s answer about the blood. The way he completely brushed past any worry for himself and focused instead on others, Athena and Chris… _that_ was who Buck was. Eddie just needed to help Buck see that somehow.

Christopher… Eddie’s train of thought broke off, a sudden idea occurring to him. Buck might not listen to Eddie, but he might listen to Christopher. Buck adored Eddie’s son, something that never failed to bring a smile to Eddie’s face, and if exploiting that relationship a little just might help Buck out of his funk then Eddie was all for it. He smiled to himself, still watching Buck sleep. He had a feeling Christopher would love to get the chance to spend a day with Buck. And maybe it was like Bobby had said, maybe a little of Christopher’s optimism was exactly what Buck needed.

**Author's Note:**

> Poor Buck... Also was I the only one who got that Eddie must have a key to Buck's place since he was able to let himself in with Christopher and Buck never questioned how? Probably won't ever be brought up in the show but I got a kick out of it.


End file.
